If only I had any artistic abilty...

If I had an artistic or visually oriented bone in my body, I could make some awesome stuff. I can visual how I want things to look, but then in practice what I produce winds up being worse than any pinterest fail you've ever seen.
Then there is my brother who can just say "I want to make this new form of art" and bam! His stuff looks amazing. Case in point:

I can't even take a picture of his awesome artwork without it being not straight and slightly blurred. Jason sucked up all the artistic ability in from the womb before I was even a twinkle in my dad's eye. 

TBT poetry

When I was at Knox, I had to take an art class. After determining that I was not cut out for the standard studio art class due to my complete lack of artistic ability (I can't even color inside the lines) I decided it would be best to pursue an art credit that would still challenge me a bit while still being reasonably accomplished.

 Enter "Introduction to Poetry." Every week, we wrote a different type of poem. Every week, we workshopped the previous week's poem. It was both fun and painful at times, mostly more fun than painful. I was recently reminded of one of the poems I wrote and worked on quite extensively and have decided to share it here because I really, really liked it. Who knows, maybe in the midst of this regularly blogging thing I will post an old poem every once in a while Throw-Back-Thursday style. 

So here it is! The first of possibly, but maybe not, many! This is an ekphrastic poem based on the piece of art by Ben Shahn titled Concerto for Clarinets and Tinhorn. The image can be found here. I got to bring my love of the clarinet into my poetry with lots and lots of research into different kinds of clarinets, its history, etc., so it wound up being a lot of fun to write.

Concerto

That tin does not, can not, stand up to the beauty of the clarinet.
How dare it sit there, among those real instruments?
A bad doppelganger, not worthy of standing in that line.

Altissimo. A member of the wide clarinet family, not to be lost,
but celebrated, that clarinet knows his place. He can play you
the highest note, C7, but he only does so when he knows
it to be necessary. Bringing that high-pitched note in to pierce
even the darkest of spaces. He has purpose with his pitches,
unlike that excuse for an instrument a tin horn.

Clarino. The reed is set, ready to fill the space of the hall with bright,
happy notes. Ready to blend with the rest of the clarinets,
harmonizing, five voices ascending. She can feel the breath
passing through her, fingers licking her silver keys.
And she is a clarinet, B, warm with her tones.
Not harsh, like a tin horn.

And see that clarinet? Bechet. He burns with disobedience,
He’s jazz and funk, bouncing from note to note
with such grace that you think they are all one.
But he sticks to no rules, changes rhythm and meter,
so you know where he stands. A tin horn would bend over
at the idea of playing such an fiery line.

Chalumeau. That clarinet stands tall, carefully built of wood.
The sweet, low timbre she expels through her bell sends
chills up and down your spine. It’s as if you know
that clarinet has a song for you, to smooth away
your concerns, and relax your muscles with her
soothing pitches. She doesn’t make your hair stand
on end, like that tin horn does.

Romanesca. That one, there on the end, plays Greensleeves
in perfect pitch. Sorrowful at the loss of love,
that clarinet can bring you to tears with his melody.
And the keys glide with the finger tips against that black wood,
trills and slurs, to tell its story. But a tin horn can’t tell
a story beyond its squeak for attention.

And that piece of tin thinks he can ruin this scene.
A common piece of metal that just happens to make a noise
when blown through. That screeching, pathetic excuse
for an instrument.

What is this I see? Those arms are reaching past Oehler’s formulations
for that cheap piece of metal. How can this be? It has no range,
no real musicality!

That tin horn does not belong in a concerto
of clarinets. It barely belongs in a circus.
And I will be the one to make sure
that it does not cross its boundaries.

Top ten book list

I had a friend at work today ask me for my top ten books I have ever read. I really had to think about it, because there are different ways books are my favorites, but then there are others that I look at and say, “I loved this book…hated the writing, but loved the story…story was ‘meh’ but the writing was beautiful…” etc. I figured it would be fun to post it here along with explanations of how I came to them, what they are about, or what I loved about them.

10. The Shadow of the Wind (2005) by , translated by Lucia Graves. An epic mystery set in 1945 Barcelona that I randomly picked up in an airport bookstore when I forgot my reading material and it hooked me in a way that I really didn’t expect. I’m not normally into mysteries, but this one was great. Something about how it is written just had me, which is really saying something for a book that I expected to read half of and then potentially “forget” at my mom’s house before flying home.

9. The Mouse that Roared (1955) by Leonard Wibberly. It’s a classic about a small duchy that decides it is economically sound to declare war on the United States. I found an old copy of this at a used bookstore where you filled a paper bag with books for only $5, and it tugged at the international relations major in me.

8. The Art of Racing in the Rain (2006) by Garth Stein. A dog’s whole life told from his perspective and how his family changed over time. I read this after my old man puppy, Zero, was put down at age 16 and it was quite possibly the absolute best thing I could have read at the time.

7. The Tripods Collection (1967-1988) by John Christopher. It’s a series of four books about a young man who refuses to be enslaved by the alien race that at age 13 “caps” people making them the dutiful little servants humans should be. My fourth grade teacher read these to us and I searched for years to find old copies of them here and there until they republished them in the early 2000’s. It’s kind of a young adult scifi from before the young adult genre existed.

6. Stardust (1999) by Neil Gaiman. Amazing fairy tale with witches and spells and stars falling from the sky. A favorite book of mine by a favorite author. Oh, and the movie is also a personal favorite (on the top ten list for movies).

5. The comics that make up the Civil War series in the Marvel Universe. Okay, technically comic books, but they put what you need to get the story line together. Ironman vs. Captain America: should super humans register with the government? I am fully on Cap’s side of the superhuman civil war in arguing that they should be free to protect their identity as well as society. Yes, the movie is coming out but oh, the comics are soooooooo good. #teamcap

4. Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By In America (2001) by Barbara Ehrenreich. A woman reports on what it is like to live on minimum wage. The first non-fiction book on my list and one of the reasons I decided to do Americorps as well as why I decided to become a social worker. Poverty sucks, yo.

3. Orange is the New Black (2010) by Piper Kerman. The book that inspired the Netflix series is about a woman’s experience in prison years after she had completely changed her life. I wrote a whole review of it here, something I rarely do. This book is another one of the major things that inspired me to go into social work and work with the population I chose to dedicate my professional life to (youth with substance use problems and juvenile justice involvement).

2. Ella Enchanted (1997) by Gail Carson Levine. Cinderella with a curse that she must obey everything. The world is well developed; it’s a light and fun fairy tale. I loved it so much that I stole the copy I have from the middle school library when I moved at age 10. I even took this book to college with me because it seems like no matter how I am feeling (sad, angry, elated, etc) re-reading this book always ends well for me. I think I pick it up every 2-3 years or so and read it again.  


1. The Stand (1978) by Stephen King. Completely engrossing story of a super flu wiping out 95% of the population and how people come together afterwards. Just don’t read it if you have the sniffles. Summer colds are the worst.  

Honorable mentions: Almost anything by Chuck Palahniuk, The Tortall Series by Tamora Pierce, The Harry Potter books by J.K. Rowling, and The Kronos Series by Rysa Walker. All also great, possibly even considered to be life-changing. They just got edged out a little bit in how different books have impacted me over the years. (I am still completely an HP nerd. I swear.) 

When your blog calls you out... silently...

For some reason, I decided to see what was going on with my blog. Read that as "I decided to see when I blogged last" only to find that my blog was staring me in the face and saying "YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO JOURNAL EVERY DAY AND THEN ABANDONED ME FOR 1.5 YEARS." Yeah, I did. I really, really did. But as I have decided to pursue a lot of new and different things lately, I have also decided to revive my blog. And I mean it this time. No, guys, I REALLY mean it. Mostly because I am in the process of editing my 2014 NaNoWriMo novel for publication and blogs are darn useful for general interest, but also because I kind of miss having an outlet. Now that I am no longer dying the slow and painful death that is grad school I think I can actually do this again. No, really. I mean it! Everyone else look away right now for the next few lines. I need to have an aside with myself in the future. Ok, self. Are we alone? Good. Consider this Past Sara putting Future Sara on check. If you look at your blog at first glance 1.5 years from now and this is what you see, you are done. Finished. Blogging is not for you. And you are a jerk. Remember that Past Sara said that. EVERYONE CAN LOOK BACK NOW. I just needed to get that off my chest. But now that I am back to blogging, you know, that last bit will never be seen again. I am so bad at holding myself accountable.

The Why: Day 1 Journaling Month

Today begins a 31 day journaling challenge. It's basically like National Novel Writing Month but less of an overall big project with a deadline and stress and kookiness and more of a "please try to jot down your thoughts daily, ok, thanks, bye." So the premise is similar (the premise being that writing is a good thing overall), but it is a slightly different focus and avenue. 

To try to make it a bit easier on the participants they provide daily prompts and inspiration, the first of which boils down to "why?" Why try to write daily? Why make it part of a daily routine? Why bother?

If there is one thing that the rush and thrill of NaNoWriMo has taught me over the last 4 years it is that writing is cathartic. Whether or not anyone ever reads what you write, you have a concrete product at the end of whatever writing session you just finished. Journaling (or blogging, in my case) every day doesn't give you the bragging rights of "I wrote a novel", but it does provide an outlet for a lot of things, whether you need a place to vent, mull over ideas, or a task to take your mind off of the here and now.  

Any long-term social worker will tell you the value of self care. If they don't, they are more likely to be one of the majority of social workers that burn out in the first few years after beginning their career.  Self care can be a lot of things, from doing nothing for a few hours to rock climbing.   For me, it is keeping busy. Being idle for too long makes me antsy and I start to feel like I am forgetting about things or just wasting my time.

Journaling is often something we ask clients to do in order to provide them with insight or to gather more information about a situation. It is a useful tool that provides them with a method of self-care and reflection while also giving us a solid way to begin helping them figure out where they are. So to the question of why journal everyday, I say why not? Maybe taking time out every day to journal, even if it is for just a short time, will provide me with deeper insight and a chance to figure out where I am and what I need to do to get to the next par
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Academia, the times that try a woman's soul

The five stages of beginning the semester: 
Denial: I still have plenty of time before I need to worry about school. It won't be that bad. It doesn't start until next week. 
Anger: The textbook costs how much?!? WHAT, IS IT MADE OF THE PAPER FROM A SACRED TREE OF KNOWLEDGE OR SOMETHING?
Bargaining: I'll volunteer instead of school. I'll read on my own. I'll do good things with my time. Just don't make me go!
Depression: Go on to class without me. I can't take this cruel existence anymore.
Acceptance: I'll show up. I'll participate. But I will sit in the back of the room and I will not have fun.

Spring Break ahead!

I had forgotten how exciting an upcoming break from the daily grind of school could be. However, at Knox Spring Break meant very big things: 1. no homework or studying at all since you just finished your winter term finals; 2. Winter term, the worst ten weeks of the year, was finally over so professors would stop piling on massive amounts of homework because they figured you had nothing better to do than stay inside studying; and 3. Flunk season was coming.

 Flunk Day, for those who have not experienced the mystique for themselves, is the most magical day of the year. At around 5 a.m. on a random day during Spring term you wake up to (or stop writing a paper you were pulling an all-nighter for) dozens of people screaming the best three words you will ever hear, "IT'S FLUNK DAY!" Classes are cancelled. Carnival games roll in. There is a foam pit that really turns into a dirty water pit from the mud of the unsanctioned mud pit; ice cream trucks drive around and hand out free treats; Abraham Lincoln, Elvis Presley, and other famous people walk around chatting and taking selfies with students; and so many other amazing things that it truly is the best day of the year. It's like having a snow day, but replace the snow with fun, so much fun.

 Alas, now that I have left the wonder that was Knox College I will be spending my spring break not dreaming of the flunktivities to come, but rather studying for an exam the following Monday and still meeting with clients for my internship. Mix in a quick weekend trip to Albuquerque just to get away and throw in grown up things like going to the doctor and my spring break is gone before I can even think about Flunking.
But that doesn't mean that I can't look at old pictures of myself covered in paint or chilling with good old Abe and wish that UTEP could call me at 5 a.m. some day during the rest of the semester just to give me a much needed mental health day.
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