And a happy new year!

2009 is over in 11 hours.
This time last year, I was preparing for the same night of merriment and insanity: a black-tie event with my best friend where we watch the Disney channel and all sorts of other random stuff. This year, we add Desiree, an equally best friend, to the festivities.
It's going to be awesome.
New Year's resolutions impossibilities:
1. Take up smoking, then quit (Andrew's suggestion)
2. Stop eating anything (Suggested by a friend that thinks the standard "lose 20 pounds" just wasn't horrible enough)
3. Get out of debt (not likely to happen, as I haven't graduated from college yet and the bulk of my debt is from that)
4. Fight for the rights of ants more (they should feel safe in their hills, damn it!)
5. Start biting my nails (kind of like stopping biting your nails, only the opposite)

Actual New Year's Resolutions
1. Work on accepting that there are things beyond my control
2. Embrace change for the possible positive impact it will have, no matter how much it may hurt
3. Be less passive aggressive
4. Give up on things less
5. Open up to people more

Looser criteria than people normally have, but I figure new year's resolutions are supposed to be about developing your character. Granted, there is no quantifiable way to tell if I accomplish these. I feel like this doesn't really matter. As long as I keep them in mind, some good has to come of them, right?

Christmas bells, those Christmas bells ring through out the land, bringing peace to all the world and goodwill to man!

Have you ever noticed that tinsel has a very distinct smell? It is the kind of smell that I have only ever associated with tinsel.
Seriously, go smell some tinsel. Do it. Right now. The rest of this blog will wait to be read while you fulfill your quest.
If you are reading this at some point in the future and no longer have tinsel within reasonable smelling distance, next time you do, take the opportunity.
And if somehow you are reading this during Christmas of 2010, Hi to you from the future. I hope things have gone well for you since this was written a year ago. If they haven't, well, I'm sorry. But you know, I hear 2011 is supposed to be a good year. So we'll see.
To continue on the train of thought I was headed down before I forced you to go on a tinsel smelling escapade, good morning! How's it going? How was that tinsel? It smelled unique, didn't it? Eh?
Yeah, I really had nothing more than the tinsel thing to go off of for this blog. I've been sick and hopped up on Nyquil. Give a girl a break.

So perhaps the whole goth thing isn't for me...

It was brought to my attention yesterday that if I were to "go goth" I would have to stop using deodorant and showering. While I would probably be okay with saving money on such hygiene products, I'm not sure it is worth it just to have the self-satisfaction of doing something stupid.
Also, I don't think I own enough black eyeliner or eyeshadow. I would have to waste the money I saved on deodorant on liquid eyeliner instead. I mean, we are talking inch thick eyeliner. That is A LOT of eyeliner.
It was also noted that as I was wearing bright orange, hot pink, and nearly neon yellow yesterday, I was not off to a good start with the whole "black only" concept.
Alas, I will have to choose some other ridiculous phase to go through for my new year's resolution.

Dirty clothes tell you a lot.

Three loads of dark laundry have told me that I am a mistress of darkness. I have decided to only wear the black clothing and invest in a tube of black lipstick and fingernail polish. I am going to go through that pre-teen/teen goth phase in my early twenties. I'm sure I'll outgrow it by the mid-twenties. Either way, I feel I will grow from this experience. If nothing else, I will learn how to wear too much eyeliner. SCORE!

The one load of whites has told me that all I really wear that is white are socks. And a white shirt. A. As in 1.

Looking through the one load of lights I have to wash and saying, "Have I ever actually worn that?" indicates to me that I have a severe case of poor memory.

Overall, the fact that I have five loads of laundry and could probably still make it for a week on what I have clean tells me that I have far too many clothes.

But looking at all of them (clean even) I still scream out, "I have no clothes!!!"
Ask my roommate. She's seen/heard it.

It's like Farenheit 451, only twisted around.

I had a dream last night that my books were making me stand trial for favoritism. The main charge against me: I read some of them more than once and others I have only read parts of. Most of the books that I only read parts of were for class, so I only HAD to read parts of them, but they still took this as a personal offense.
Then there were the books that were so bad, I willingly put them down and never picked them up again. Most of these books had jury duty. I was sentenced to four years of college, during which I could not read for pleasure, only painful, painful punishment by class reading.
I missed my parole date because I read the Twilight books during Sophomore year. Such an awful book series to be imprisoned for. I'm sure Stephenie Meyer wouldn't be willing to go to jail for it.
Thankfully, this was all just my subconscious being as weird as possible.

Another finals post

I am compiling a list of things I am going to do over winter break. This list includes (but is not limited to) the following things:
1. I will knit something other than a scarf. It will preferably have some sort of cabling in it. I want to learn more in regards to/improve upon my knitting.
2. I will work on German at least a little bit. I feel like this would be a good idea seeing as how I am going to be in ANOTHER German class that will inevitably beat me down.
3. I will keep in touch with people better over this break. I mean it this time. (This might not happen. I am horrible with keeping in touch.)
4. I will not let myself think too much about the things in my life that are beyond my control.
5. I will finish the preliminary application for the Peace Corps.
6. I will make a list of other possible options for my future and start working on them.

Let's see how much of this I can check off at the end of break.
Probably not many. Ugh.

Procrastination strikes again.

What happens when finals time rolls around? I blog, that's what.
So what to blog about? Should I blog about the popular gourd topic right now and the fact that whether or not you appreciate them tells me a great deal about your personality? Or the fact that we have deemed gourd-appreciation as a female thing, pending further research?
Or should I come up with something else to say entirely?
I'm not feeling particularly creative.
So I just blogged about how I could blog about something, but won't.
Maybe later, when I am supposed to be writing my final paper for one of my classes.
Or when I am supposed to be studying German and am feeling particularly spiteful because of it.
There is bound to be a time when I will be so sleep deprived that I will think of something ridiculous to share.
Or to be totally outrageous, I could not blog at all until the end of finals.
There is no telling how this could all go.

All I want to do is sleep...

And yet I keep thinking about things that don't pertain to my life right now at all.

For some reason, I started to think about my past birthdays: the good, the forgotten, and the worst.

This train of thought was so exciting as I lie in bed trying to sleep that I got up and finished my homework for tomorrow. I was planning on waking up extra early to finish.

It probably doesn't help that I took a 2 hour long nap before our sorority meeting earlier today. That kind of thing really throws your sleep schedule out of whack.

And now, the fun part: What has one leg, a camera, and a book in a language it can't read?

I don't know the answer to that riddle either. In fact, I am fairly certain there isn't an answer, as I just thought of three random characteristics a being could have.

Why on earth is this the way my mind works?

I was chased by a clown last night...

He had a chainsaw. He chased me screaming out of the haunted house.
I had a dream about a clown using a chainsaw to cut a fallen tree last night. He looked very sad, as the tree had fallen in a storm. When I asked him what was wrong, he just said, "Nature always falls down."
I never tend to trust clowns, especially if they have a chainsaw. But this one really felt like a friend.
Dream clown, wherever you may be, don't be sad. Smile!
And be careful of your large feet. I wouldn't want you to trip.

Words, words, words.

Definitions are funny things. There are actual definitions, then there are the connotations we have for things.
For instance, in German there is this concept of a Heimat. It is generally translated to mean homeland, when it really means something more along the lines of a place or situation where you feel comfortable and "at home." My German professor said that because the Nazis used it most Germans stopped using the word because of association. But recently there has been a reappearance of the word being used by minorities trying to express their feelings about Germany. The connotation attached to the word is different from the definition for many people depending on their background.
Then there are phrases like passive aggressive. This blog post is passive aggressive. Asking if someone is acting like they are angry with you is just passive. There's a difference.
Also, we need to talk.

Ob la di, ob la da life goes ooooOOOooonnn!

Having a fever makes you re-evaluate things.

Like, I think I should have more fish in my life. Not the live, swimmy kind. Rather, the cracker kind. I like Goldfish crackers. I kind of want to eat some right now.

Also, picture frames are a good idea. They protect memories. And pictures.
They also make it easy to identify pictures by saying, "There was nothing in that empty space next to me, but here there is a picture that means enough to someone to frame it. PAY ATTENTION TO IT! That is all I have to say."
Picture frames tend to be very verbose.

Then there are coffee tables, which I have deemed pointless to exist.

That is all.

Spontaneous all night road trip!

There is a certain kind of depressing you feel when you are sleep-deprived and driving a car full of sleeping people at 5 am and the song that comes on is "Sound of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkel.

And then you crash.

In the sleeping sense.
Not the car sense.

Though I suppose that could happen as well. Thank goodness it didn't.

My roommate is being auctioned off to the highest bidder in just over an hour...

I have learned three things over the past few hours that are very important for EVERYONE to know.
1. I am apparently very good at approaching situations that could go very badly and thinking about them in a non-insane (AKA sane) way. Someone told me today that my problem of over-thinking things really just means that I have less problems to deal with later and that I am probably one of the healthiest people when it comes to decision-making. Woo! Here I was thinking I was a crazy person. I mean, I am still crazy, but only in other ways and not my decision-making ways.

2. German can go and shove itself in an envelope. That's right. It can just make itself into a letter and send itself all the way around the world and back to Germany. I feel like I complain about German on this blog a lot. But there is a lot about German to complain about, so there.

3. I forgot what my third thing was, so obviously it is so important that you know it but I can forget it. Figure out what it was and get back to me. Otherwise you won't get your cookie for the day.

Fun Fact of the day: pearls make you look like a Stepford Wife.

Lost in thought and lost in time...

I got lost in Peoria today. I was shopping for a new winter coat and had to call three separate people to find out where the mall was. Thank goodness for Erin. I would probably still be lost.

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I guess I am old...

Today there was a little boy in the third grade classroom I volunteer in that asked me if I was married. I told him that I wasn't and he asked why. I then explained that I felt that for me, I was too young to be married and maybe will be someday when I am older.

He told me I was already old and asked what I would do if I ran out of time.

How do you respond to something like that?

I love kids.
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Frustration takes on a whole new meaning...

How is it that I can get one major thing that has been complicated sorted out only to have another thing fall apart more?

On an unrelated note, the weather is getting colder. :(

On another unrelated note, it is National Poetry day...Or at least, that is what Twitter trending topics tells me...

Perhaps I should find more evidence to support this claim before repeating it.
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A fireman came to school today...

The first-grader I am tutoring in math begged me to not tutor her today because there was a fireman visiting.

What does he have that I don't have? I'm (relatively) smart, have a pretty yellow skirt on, and can play card games with her. He has nothing on me.

Oh yeah, he fights fires and saves people's lives. I forgot about that.

Long story short, I let her go see his presentation. You can learn math any day, but rarely is it that you get to learn about fire safety.
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I wish I had some pickle chips to eat right now.

There are those moments when you kind of know what you want to say, but have no idea how to say it. I am kind of stuck in one of those moments, but it is more than just not being able to put something into words.
It is this overwhelming feeling that I don't really know what I want to say. I think I know, but then I think about it and it changes. It is this constantly malleable and ambiguous thing that keeps warping into something else entirely.
Basically, I have no clue about my feelings at all at the moment. I had a handle on things about a week or so ago. Things were starting to get to a relatively normal, controllable level of activity.
And then here we are.
And here we go.

The echoing sound of silence

I do nothing productive before I eat my first meal of the day. For instance, I woke up at 9:15 today. My plans for brunch are at 11. So after showering, I just got on my computer and have been checking the various things I check each day. And am now writing a blog.
I am so productive.
But, in other news, I am really happy. This started around 3:30 pm on Friday and has held strong since. I might not be as happy as I think, but I am certainly happier than I have been since, oh say, July-ish. It feels like I am just over-the-moon ecstatic almost.
Now, for a riddle: It's hidden, so you have to find it somewhere on the page. Good luck!

RE: That last post...

I have an update regarding the second thing on my mind: I actually don't want anyone to come near me right now. I suddenly got very anti-social/angry/I don't know what. It's a weird mood aimed at everyone, not just half of the human race.
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Three things on my mind right now

1.) I am very happy I went and bought this rice krispie treat. It is one of those big ones that has m&ms and mini-marshmallows in it. Delicious.
2.) The last thing I want to see right now is a male. Seriously. If it has a penis I want the person or creature to turn around and walk away. I don't really know why, but it is just the mood I am in right now.
3.) I really don't want to do my German homework. Actually, come to think of it, I don't really know what German homework I have to do for tomorrow. That is probably a problem.

Vacuums are ruining my life.

I have been waiting for two weeks to vacuum the floor in front of my dresser where I broke a bottle. There has been a towel over the little shards of glass that are too fine for me to pick up to prevent them from making the red stuff in me trickle out, but it isn't as good as getting those shards out of the picture entirely.
I was under the impression that there was one vacuum for the building, locked in the maintenance closet with the toilet paper and trash bags. I was wrong. There has been a vacuum in our very own hall closet the entire time.
Couple that with being stood up for a date and you have the basic gist of how happy my life is right now.
That's right Glo. I am equating you standing me up on Skype with a vacuum making me bleed from the feet.

Wait for the day to come

I eat my feelings. Whenever I am talking about something that makes me particularly uncomfortable, it is nice to do something that is very familiar afterwards, such as eating or reading certain kind of stories. But eating seems to be so much more quick to quell the overall feelings of awful I have.
For instance, right now, I should be in bed. Instead, I just got finished with a difficult conversation and am now sitting here, listening to music, eating chips and feeling like a terrible person.

Points for having faith in people

Last weekend I lost my debit card while walking home from a restaraunt. I apparently lost it near someone's apartment and he found it. We have class together Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and have had a few classes together before that. We were even partners in class the Monday after he found my card.
But he didn't say anything about it. He was just a little more awkward than usual. Instead, yesterday I checked my mail and there was an envelope with my card and a short letter from him, including a small diagram showing where I lost the card. It is kind of adorable.
I cancelled the card the same night I lost it. But it is nice to know there are still nice people out there.

Site tracker has informed me...

Someone in Georgia googled the phrase "What does it mean if I had a dream about my ear falling off?" They then proceeded to look at my blog for a while. That is what it takes: have really off the wall references and people from far off places will read your blog thinking that you have the answer to why their ears are falling off in their dreams.

But really, my life is too boring to blog about interesting things like what your dreams mean (hint: no matter what happens, it most likely means you are going to die.)
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An ode to Subway love.

Subway, the sandwich chain, has brought us a lot over the years: an icon of weight loss, a trend of five-dollar meals, and delicious cookies. But the other day, there was so much more waiting for me at the restaurant chain.

I was visiting and helping Desiree move into Northern Illinois University for her first night at school and we decided to hit up Subway for dinner. While enjoying my delicious veggie sub, we noticed three freshman girls and three freshmen boys in line.

They were not there together as a group of six. Rather, they were two groups of three with a gender line drawn in the linoleum. The girls were very interested in said boys. The boys were very interested in said sandwiches.

Because the girls were in line in front of the boys, they were prepared to leave sooner. As they were walking past the hungry boys, one girl asked one boy if they would be joining them on the benches outside, to which he replied with a “Yeah, I guess.” This satisfied the girls, who proceeded to go outside to eat their food.

As the boys were finishing up, I heard one say, “Let’s just sit here.”
The response: “Well, we kind of have to go outside now. Sorry guys.”

An hour later, we saw the group of six walking by Dez’s dorm. It was one of the most adorable things ever and I could already smell the future drama and love triangles the six of them would have over the four years to come.

And it smelled like college.

Best phone call ever.

I just overheard a phone call from an insureance agent that had to call a client so he would pay his bill. The conversation went something along the lines of this: "No, I can't loan you the money. That's illegal....Yes, even if you fax me bank statements and swear to pay me back by Friday. It's still illegal....I don't even have $7000 to loan you if I could, which I can't, because it's illegal....No, noone in our office does. The only other person here is an intern, and she is a college student. Also, it's ILLEGAL."

I giggled.

July ran away and left me with August...

Realizations I have had at the idea of the end of the summer:
1. This is pretty much the last "summer" I am ever going to have. From now on, seasons will run together and really only be changes in the weather.
2. I have no desire to be near anyone dosey doeing. Especially when they are doing so to rap music. It is just criminal.
3. Texts can be very powerful. Especially when they are to Twitter.

So, only the first one really had anything to do with the end of the summer.
My mind just works in the way that it doesn't really work coherently.

Things I Don't Regret...

1. Deciding to go to Knox despite the debt I have for it and will have to deal with at a later date. As cliché as it sounds, I really have found parts of myself I didn't know existed, and I feel like a better person for it.
2. Changing my major to International Relations. Education is great and all, but IR gives mea different sort of thrill. I can't explain it, but I'm certain some of you will understand.
3. Buying my car. It has been a fine example of an automotive device.
4. Having met any one of my friends, no matter what our relationship is now. I have learned something about myself and people in general from every person in my life, and I am very grateful for that.
5. Using spell-check on that last one. I spelled it "greatful" at first, looked at it, spelled it correctly, but still had to spell-check it.
6. All of those extra-curriculars I did in high school. They really haven't had that much bearing on my success or failures of the present, but the early mornings and late nights were still totally worth it, as was getting sick after every play from sheer exhaustion.
7. Moving from Vegas to the Midwest. I realize that I didn’t really have any choice in the matter, but I wouldn’t change it even if I did. I would be a very different person if I hadn’t moved to Illinois, and I like the person I am, for the most part.
8. Liking the Spice Girls, N*Sync, Britney Spears, and the Backstreet Boys. I admit it, I was into them when they were popular. It’s okay though. I can admit that when I was a tween I liked the same things most tweens liked. Don’t judge me.
9. Taking German. I like it, plain and simple. And German Club is one of the best things about Knox.
10. Joining ATP. It is a constant challenge that I like. That doesn’t mean challenge in a bad way. It means that it is something I still consider very much outside of what I am used to, and I really like that.
11. Every book I have ever read. Every word in every book has contributed to me in some way. This goes for the books I hated as well.
12. Staying up to write this, even though I am exhausted. It has made me feel quite a bit better, just because getting things out in a more concrete form does that. I wish I knew more about the psychological reasoning behind that.
13. That phone call. It is one of the best decisions I have made in a long time.

13 that I can think of off the top of my head because that is my number. I wouldn’t change a single one of those things.

Well, maybe #8 could change and I wouldn’t mind so much. But that really isn’t that bad.
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He's just not that into you...

That movie messes with your mind.

I just analyzed every situation with every boy I have ever liked/thought liked me.

Holy cow.

I hate men.

I am so awkward.

I had about a fifteen minute conversation with John Butler (or was it Joe? I can't remember. I am terrible with names). I work at Cottingham and Butler. That is John/Joe Butler as in cottingham and BUTLER. As he was asking me about my education, future plans, etc., he took a break to ask me if I had any questions at all about the company or anything along those lines.

The only thing in my head was "Why is your last name second? Did you lose a bet? Or get the shortest straw? Am I close?"

I am so damn awkward.

I blame Knox.

You stole from me.

You ruined my morning. You hurt my feelings.
I can't believe you would be that cruel.
You left a hole in my life.

Why didn't you just start a fresh pot of coffee?

This poem was inspired by the wonderful person I work with that took the last of the coffee this morning. Not only did they fail to make a fresh pot so that everyone can enjoy the lifeblood that makes the day happen, they left the burner on, effectively burning the thin layer of coffee that was in the pot and making it disgusting. Guess who cleaned it up. That's right. The temp. Sara. Because I wanted coffee.

Oh wait, I forgot the last line of the poem:


Three day weekends are rude.

They make it to where you can't wait to get the that extra long weekend. Whether it is Thursday afternoon with a free Friday or Friday afternoon with the prospective free Monday coming, either way, there is a bright, shining three days ahead of you that makes you feel like anything is possible.

Then comes the following Monday or Tuesday and you realize that you just came crashing back to reality only to find that your day off meant more work the next day and a lack of sleep that give you such a bad headache, you wish it was 7 a.m. for one of few times in your life, because you know that if you had been a more intelligent person you would have called in sick at 7 rather than be a trooper and go to work.

Good night.

I get it, he was a legend...

Here is my post about Michael Jackson to keep up with everyone else's: I just want a music video on VH1 that is not by Michael Jackson. He has always creeped me out a little. Especially after the nightmare I had when I was 8 of him being my brother and taking my toy from the cereal box. It was traumatizing.

Another installment of things I hate...

My new goal in life is to get rid of the VIN number system. First off, those things are long and numbery and lettery and they serve no real purpose other than providing the government with another way to track us and our capitalistic purchases.
The second reason is because I have to look at them all day long now. They are in the system and on the forms and they are supposed to match but they don’t always. Did you know that if something matches, you make it yellow. If it doesn’t, it’s red.
Third and finally, the real reason, that N stands for number. Redundant much?

Yellow, red. Red, red, yellow. YELLOW!

My job is so boring.

The internet hates me.

It won't let me vlog an entire video. For some reason Youtube keeps cutting it off. I don't know. So this calls for a blog about things that make me angry.
1. When the internet won't work.
2. When pugs almost die. Percy can't breathe well enough to go for a few mile long walk. I found that out today.
3. Children that don't listen to me. Skyla seems to think that because she lives with us now that I have no jurisdiction. How wrong she is...
4. Abby leaving me for five days. She is my home boy friend. She can't leave me like that.
5. Flashing tiaras.
That's about it for right now. I miss Knox. And my brother. And, oddly enough, the cafeteria at Knox. This summer is going to be a long one.

Arguments I have recently had.

With a drunk college student:
Him: No man, I would get a burrito supreme with no sour cream and extra nacho cheese on the side.
Other college student: But what about the quesodilla?
Me: I'm going to go find my friends now. *All the while thinking to myself, "Dear god. I don't want to die with these people."

With my dad:
Him: I don't think your desk will fit in there.
Me: Yes, it will. The measurements add up. Just work it in right.
Him: Okay, We'll try it, but if it doesn't fit you have to figure out what to do with the desk.

With my two-year-old Neice:
Her: My cow.
Me: My cow.
Her: MY COW.
Her: My Cow.
Me: Fine. My Pig.
Her: My cow. My pig.

The last was the most productive.
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I only blog when I am trying to distract myself.

Like right now. Those are basically the words that Glo just said to me, and it is true.
I keep checking blogger like people will magically update because I want something to read.
They don't.
It's sad.


Things I would rather do than work on this final...

And keep in mind that this final is all that is standing between me and the summer.
1. Walk on hot coals.
2. Write five other papers about better topics.
3. Eat whatever they make people eat on Fear Factor these days.
4. Contemplate extensively whether or not they even still have Fear Factor and then look it up online.
5. Baby-sit a prospective student that hates me.
6. Talk to the girl that had me as a prospective student. She hated me.
7. Start learning French. (For those of you who don't know, I hate French. I chose German because I can actually pronounce it.)
8. Pack. I hate packing.
So, basically, there are a myriad of things i would rather do than this final. Is it the final or the prospect of summer I am staving off? You decide. I already know the answer.

Sometimes, pink is better...

So, I have pink eye. I was diagnosed yesterday, and it got me to thinking about things that are better when they are pink and things that are not better when pink. Here is the list so far:

Better: Steak. At least, I like my steak rare. Some people don't. So, conversely
Worse: Steak. For those that like their meat burnt.

Better: Cheeks. Rosy cheeks are seen as prettier or healthier or whatever. But, conversely
Worse: Cheeks. You could be flushed because you are sick. Not good.

Better: Strawberries. Okay, they are red, but still.
Worse: Bruises/welts. If they are pink, it means you just got it and it hurts a lot.

There will most likely be more to come, unless I get distracted as tends to happen.
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Top ten reasons I love the Knox German Club/Department

I am just going to ride on Tasha's coattails a little bit. I was thinking about this last night, and I came up with ten of the most awesome things about German Club.
1) The People. All of us get done what we say we will. We all have a good attitude about everything.
2) No Drama. This kind of goes along with the people, but it deserves its own little place in the world. German Club people don't freak out and act like it is the end of the world if something goes wrong. No one makes more trouble that there actually is. It is so amazingly nice.
3) Sonja #1. One of the best professors ever. Enough said.
4) Sonja #2. She explains German grammar to me until I understand it. That is not an easy task. She deserves some kind of international award for her patience.
5) tea and cookies. Yumm.
6) We speak German. Sometimes. A lot of times. And I don't have to feel as hesitant about it when I am with German Club
7) T-shirts. We have some kick ass German t-shirts.
8) It is educational. Okay, so I am a nerd at heart. And I love that German Club is also a place where I can learn about German culture and stuff. It makes it so much more interesting.
9) Tuesdays suck, except for German Club. Which is true. Think about it: Tuesdays exist before the week is half-over and yet right after the weekend so you still aren't quite back in the swing of things from your two day break. Tuesdays are cruel. But then, there is German Club, and all is right with the World.
And last, but not least: 10) We have an amazing Exec board.

I really do suck at making long entries...

on a regular basis. However, twitter has proven to hold its own in my daily life. Go figure.
On a related note (related to what, I'm not sure. It could be my failing in the internet domain or twitter controlling my life), I have decided that I no longer like people and will from now on generalize them in a fun way on my blog.

#1: THAT person in front of you in line.
They tell their entire life story while all you want to do is purchase your cheetos and get out of Hyvee. I don't care that there were FIVE mice in your basement and that is why you are buying the variety of kinds of traps and baits to catch them all.
Also, they speak so loudly that it impedes conversation you want to have with the person next to you. Heaven forbid I have to talk to my mom about whatever I want to talk to her about. I have to hear about what you got for your anniversary, which has nothing to do with the mouse traps you are purchasing.

Shake your groove thing...

**This is a blog entry from First-year. I was just looking it over, and I decided to dust it off and expose you to my insanity. This is one of the best examples of how my mind works. Enjoy**

Ok, three of my friends and I are having a sleepover, so we are watching Kronk's New Groove in a couple of hours. This makes me wonder about the term groove and its application.The whole idea of getting a new groove is a rather baffling subject for me. What was so wrong with your groove before? Does it just get worn out, or can it be fixed? And if it can be fixed, is it worth it to fix it or is it more fiscally responsible to simply trash it and get a new one? And can you use spare parts from your old groove? Or is it simply a lost cause?What constitutes a groove? Your personality, mannerisms, or just how you handle situations? I know that Stella got her groove back, so how do you know when you lost it? And is it a purely relationship wise groove, as in Stella's case, or does a groove come in a wide variety of flavors? Can you have multiple grooves all working together to create your being and only replace one or two with new ones as you see fit?Or is the groove one large working body that you have to fix certain areas, or mini-grooves, every once in a while to keep it working properly? And can you do regular maintenance on these areas, such as changing the oil regularly, or do you just wait until the engine in these grooves craps out and you have to replace the whole thing? And what if it just looks old, but if you dust it off and shine it up it works just fine?

And if you do lose your groove, when you are trying to get it back is it worth it to try and find the one you lost? Or should you be like the emperor and just get a new one? Can your groove be stolen? If you can lose it surely it can be stolen. And what about when people say “you are killing my groove”? Is the groove or grooves within each of us alive and able to be killed or hurt? Or are they purely mechanical beings that simply breakdown when you obstruct what they should be doing? Or, are some mechanical and some “living”?

What if your groove doesn’t work properly in the snow? Can you put sandbags in the trunk to weigh it down? And are they waterproof so you can go swimming with them? Do you have to feed it regularly? Clean its cage? Give it fresh water? Does it need toys to play with, or would your day-to-day adventures serve that purpose? Can it get angry with you? What if you don’t use a particular groove or part of your groove for an extended period of time? Does it have an expiration date or a renewal subscription type thing?

And, last but not least, can a groove save your life, or, can it end it?

A little statistical analysis never hurt anybody...

Working 45 hours over spring break would really suck if it weren't for the fact that I love the people at US Cellular. I wish I saw them all on a regular basis. They rock.

In other news, I have gotten more sleep this past week than I go in the last month of term. I like sleep. It is probably very unhealthy for me to sleep this much in ten days, but meh. Whatever.

Also, my phone held a conversation with Erin for the ENTIRE trip from Dubuque to Galena, which falls into a valley and has never been good for reception. But I had no problem, not even a little bit of static. Verizon wins the whole network fight, because at USC a bunch of consultants say that samsungs get the worst reception and blah blah blah, but mine is perfectly fine. I love it. And I now have a statistical study to back up my hypothesis that it was just US Cellular, not the phone.

I need to finish getting dressed for my last day of work. I head back to Knox tomorrow :)

Look deep inside and what do you find??

Lotion. That is what you find if you look inside the witch on my desk I mentioned in a blog a few weeks ago. That's right, lotion. That $7.50 witch is a container of Body Fantasies Fresh White Musk Fantasy scented lotion. I was holding the witch in my hands a few minutes ago and her hat twisted a little. I thought I had broken her hate off, only to realize that it twists off entirely to reveal the lotion within. It smells kind of bad. It smells kind of like a nursing home I visited someone in over the summer. Not the most pleasant of places to smell like.

I lied when I said finals would lead to my blogging more. I have been successfully avoiding procrastination fairly well. All I have left for finals is one little 6-8 page philosophy paper for Death and Life and it is spring break for me! Woo!
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ATP kind of rocks...

ATP got the vote from Faculty! For those of you not in the Knox Bubble, this means that the sorority colony I joined gets to nationalize, giving us support and structure that will keep us around for a long, long time. I'm pretty excited.
In other news, Finals are coming up. They seem to know how to make a week very stressful. I'll probably be posting quite a bit more over the next week and a half, simply becuase I will have less time to devote to this blog, and that naturally means it is time to procrastinate! Woo!
Also, I am very excited for Erin's birthday. Shh...It's supposed to be a secret.

I fail at these things.

I have not been keeping up with this very well. It reminds me of all the diaries/journals I have started over the years, only to pick them up again a year later and wonder what on Earth I was talking about at the time.

In other news, with the exception of two of my friends, one of which I rarely see, I am now surrounded by people that are over 21. Last night, they all went out to the bars. I got a lot of work done. It makes me wonder how much I would get done on a regular basis if I cut off ties to my friends. Not that I ever plan on doing that, but it seems like it would be an effective way for me to get things done. With the internet issues I have been having, it is a good thing I have no lack of work to do, otherwise I would be crazy with boredom.

Tasha is knitting a sock next to me. I don't think she is really paying attention ot what else is going on around her. Socks are intense work.

It's all in your mind.

I am expanding the cliche "practice what you preach" into a four page paper. Granted, I am citing philosophers and giving complex definitions and junk, but still.

The space man says, "Everybody look down."

Last night was tons of fun. I love being around tons of new people that I have stuff in common with.
As I was driving back on the highway in the wee hours of the morning, I thought about how my life would be different if I had gone to a different college rather than Knox. I thought about whether or not if I had gone to Columbia, like Cody (only without him), I would be friends with the people he is friends with. I met them all through him last night, but I wonder if the situation had been different I would have ever met them. Would I have met them under my own circumstances? Or would I have met totally different people based of a variety of choices I would make that differ from those Cody makes?
It is kind of like how there are people at Knox that I hang out with now that i get along with so well, but we never met before this year. It is kind of weird to know that had we met before this year, we might not be friends, but we still might. Everything is situational and dependent on every variable that factors into the equation.
It makes me think of the time in the movie The Butterfly Effect, when the lead guy is now a frat guy because of a different decision he made earlier in his life, and he passes the guy that was his roommate in the first present we get. He says hi to him, and the guy that was his roommate says some snide remark, because they are not friends and never had been. One decision changed everything so drastically that a person he had shared a good friendship with was now a negative factor in his life.
It was very late/early when I was thinking these things, so they are kind of tangled and messed up, but still, it's kind of cool to think about.

The dreammaker's gonna make you mad...

Studying is the worst feeling ever. You are doing something, but not really DOING something. There isn't really an end product or anything you can show someone at the end of it all to be like, "Hey, look at what I did."
It makes me feel like I am getting nothing done.
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The songmaker says, "It ain't so bad."

German has rules. There are exceptions to these rules. There are irregularities you just have to remember. The time always comes before you say what you actually did/are going to do. There really is not way to tell the gender of a masculine or neuter noun if it is in the dativ. The list goes on and on, and I have only studied for 14 weeks.
I just read that last bit aloud to my roommate. Then I added onto the end of it "I would kind of like to say something profound after that, but I have nothing profound to say." I said this in the same tone and rate of speaking as I had said what I read aloud. I didn't switch from my reading aloud voice. She knew I had stopped reading, because I had looked up at her. But my voice didn't tell her anything.
I have lots of different voices. I have my serious voice, my lying voice, my reading voice. I have a different voice for when I am trying to annoy someone. I have a specific voice for when I try to annoy Dan. I have a voice for when I am teaching or explaining something. I have a voice specifically for the affection I have for Abby, and another for Dezi.
Not that I think this is profound in anyway, I just think it is an interesting thing for me to realize about myself. Now I need to study for the two midterms I have tomorrow.
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I don't need a dream decoder...

Last night, my dream was so weird. I was with my parents at the presidential debates for the 2012 election. We were in the front row, right in the action of things, and I got to sit next to the Republican candidate. Obama was up for re-election, so I was rooting for him, and I looked to my left and realized that the Republican candidate was Mao ZeDong. He argued with Obama, oddly enough, not in Chinese. The dream was in German, and I kept having to translate for my parents. I don't think any of it was real German, but I still knew exactly what was going on.
I think this dream is indicative of several things:
1. I have been reading about China way too much
2. I have been thinking about German way too much
3. My dream self is too stupid to stop and think about the fact that Mao Zedong is not a natural born citizen, also that he is dead
4. I am already apprehensive of the next presidential election
5. I need to get more sleep overall

I identify with quotes too much

The unreal is more powerful than the real. Because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. Because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People, well, they die. But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on. If you can change the way people think. The way they see themselves. The way they see the world. You can change the way people live their lives. That's the only lasting thing you can create.-Choke

You realize that our mistrust of the future makes it hard to give up the past.-Survivor

No matter how careful you are, there's going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn't experience it all. There's that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should've been paying attention.
Well, get used to that feeling. That's how your whole life will feel some day.
This is all practice.-Invisible Monsters

All the effort in the world won't matter if you're not inspired.-Diary

If we can forgive what’s been done to us . . .
If we can forgive what we’ve done to others . . . If we can leave all of our stories behind. Our being villains or victims. Only then can we maybe rescue the world.-Haunted

I love Chuck Palahniuk. I want him to be the commencement speaker for my graduation from Knox.

I hate mornings

I walk into work today after only 4 and a half hours of sleep and the first thing Carlos (This man I work with) says is, "your hair looked so much nicer yesterday than today." I love Carlos, he's awesome, so we joked about how terribly my hair looks today for another ten minutes and I went into the computer lab pretending like he had offended me. Who knew an almost insult could actually make your day a little better?
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My ears are going to fall off.

I am sitting in the gizmo on the couch. I have been here for about ten minutes. This guy just got here, sat down at the piano, and has been playing scales. But he doesn't know the notes for the scales, so he just plays the first 5 notes or so and then restarts the same scale. Now he has called his friend to ask him/her what the next note in an E flat scale is. I kind of want to lean over him, play the scale correctly, and tell him there are pianos in CFA he can use. Pianos in relatively sound proof practice rooms.

It's another German Tuesday.

The song manic Monday has been running through my head ever since I thought about the phrase "German Tuesday." I don't even really like that song that much. In fact, I think it is kind of annoying. And people in the office I work at like to say "It's another manic Monday" whenever someone shows up late, which is generally once or twice a day. They even say it when it isn't a Monday. I don't understand.
Today is a German Tuesday, though. It really is a Tuesday. And there really is a lot of German. German class, German club, mandatory German film, studying for the German exam that is on Thursday. Tuesdays are German.
There is a ceramic witch on my desk. She has been here for quite some time. I don't understand why. There is a sticker on her extolling her cost ($7.50) and she is holding a broom. I wonder how much I would be worth if I had a sticker with my price on me.
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And then there was a night like tonight.

Single Ladies night was awesome. Funny movies, good bread and cheese, amazing company, and dancing. Lots of dancing. And calls that caused happiness were received, which makes me happy for those who received them. All in all, an amazing night.
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This is why I should NOT take philosophy classes...

In Death and Life we have discussed many different approaches to life and living a full life. Several of these models are trying to be the most prepared for death, whenever it may occur. Studying these different models has led to my analyzing the majority of the moments in my life, only to get so frustrated with each moment that I decide I hate philosophy all together, only to ask myself why I think that my be an excuse for not wanting to think about my actions, only to think about my actions and whether or not I am implementing them incorrectly and that is why my analysis leads to my "hating" philosophy, only to lead me to another strain of thought, and then another, and so on.

For example, earlier I was in an unpleasant situation. The situation was fine for those around me but quite uncomfortable to me due to historical implications. I removed myself from the situation because there was no way I could find any way to be more comfortable with the situation. After debating with myself for nearly twenty minutes on whether or not to stay or go, I left.

Now, in this situation I debated several possible courses of action, only to determine my leaving to be the best . I could have stayed. The only thing making the situation as difficult to bear was my train of thought. I could have tried to change what I was thinking about, but that seemed like something that takes way more strength than I have. I could have asked that the externalities be altered by those around me, causing them discomfort and my thoughts would still be there. Or, among many other possibilities, I could leave.

Class discussion has been centering around the fact that whatever situation we are in can be pleasant if we focus on the pleasant aspects of it, and unpleasant if we focus on the unpleasant aspects. I agree wholly with the Epicurean view that while a situation may be out of our control we can always control how we react to it. I have even told people this is my personal philosophy for quite some time now, long before I even know the word Epicurean.

My reaction to the situation was to remove myself from it. Not entirely, as my thoughts would still be occupied by the negative thoughts I was being consumed by, but I would at least be able to "enjoy" these negative thoughts in a more comfortable situation (out of the public eye and away from the scrutiny of people that I didn't particularly wish to discuss my weakness with).

Upon leaving, I pondered the sheer force of my own thoughts and how I was allowing them to control my environment. Then I thought about whether or not there could have been pleasantness found in that situation and I just didn't look hard enough, thus letting my life be controlled by a situation that I could have avoided altogether by simply taking a more positive approach to the predicament. Then I started to think about the fact that I was over-thinking my thinking about the situation and that I really just wanted to dwell on the unpleasantness of the situation because I wanted to see if there could be something pleasant about it, only to think about how much I hate it when I get into these kinds of trains of thought only to be consumed nearly entirely.

And then I thought about writing this blog, in a vain attempt to better understand and organize the thoughts that I am having. If you are having a better time of sorting through any of this, let me know. And if you have any advice or anything else for me to ponder, feel free to advise me.

I have started a blog...

After being urged by the lovely people I live with I have determined that starting a blog will be a beneficial adventure for me.
I should be reading homework for my classes, but instead I have done several other things tonight such as:
1. Electrocuting a Sim. I was playing the Sims earlier and the girl wanted to watch television. The television started to spark, so I had her repair it. Long story short, she had no mechanical points and electrocuted herself. This caused her to have a charred appearance and a fire began. She almost died, but I got her to call the fire department and then took a bath to up her hygiene points.
2. Organized my music. I moved it from the c drive to the d drive and had to re-introduce it all to itunes. It took a good forty minutes to get it all back to where it should be.
3. Bonded with my housemates. We decorated a wall in this crazy montage of cards (both of the post and greeting variety), posters, pictures, feathers, flags, scarves, and empty candy containers.
4. Got sorted. I am a Gryffindor.
5. Created this blog.
6. Watched this.
And now, I really should either go to sleep or read. I will probably be going to sleep.