Sara sans "h"

I haven't seen it since. I don't know where it went, what could have become of it. I may even have simply thrown it away or given it to my niece. Who knows?

I have no real need for it in my life. It's not like I have been desperately needing that piece of cheap plastic from the nineties. I get along fine without it.  

And even though there are no distinct memories I have of that toy, I remember the toy in and of itself distinctly. I don't recall having it during any defining moments, when I got it, or anything else. I just know that I had it. I enjoyed it. It was a comforting item to have in my life.

I am graduating from college in two weeks, and I can't stop thinking about that stupid little happy meal toy. Why is this? 

I don't remember exactly how I got to where I am. Every decision I have made, every person I have become friends with, every last detail of my life has led to me in this moment. There are the toys that I don't really recall being anything spectacular, but I remember them. There are the people in my life that I feel like I couldn't live without. There are people that I thought I couldn't live without, only to have lost them in one way or another and survived. I don't know whether or not this is for the best. I have lost some very good, or what I thought were very good, friends over the past few years. 

Don't get me wrong, there are reasons for this.  Reasons ranging from simply not having enough time for one another to major events taking place, whether misunderstood or just never confronted. There are those people that actively made the decision not to be in life life anymore, and those that passively just faded away. Then there are those people that I decided to cut out of my life for my own reasons.
But I am here on the brink of this major defining life moment, and all I can think about is how maybe I could have picked up the phone one night when I was bored to hang out with someone I genuinely care about but have lost touch with. Or maybe I could have convinced another person that being friends with me is worth it. Or maybe I could have owned up to it and dealt with the situation effectively, rather than being passive aggressive and petty. Or maybe I could have not done whatever it was that made the other person decide to end our friendship.

It's too late for all of that, but that is what is dominating my mind these days when I should be thinking about decision-making theory, Nazi film and propaganda, how interest groups utilize the internet, and the Peace Corps. application. 

This is why I should not be given time to think.

On the other hand, I am now officially in a real sorority. Alpha Sigma Alpha, Theta Nu Chapter, Knox College. Founded May 22, 2010. 

We have little phoenix pins to prove it. 

We rock.