Sara sans "h"

I haven't seen it since. I don't know where it went, what could have become of it. I may even have simply thrown it away or given it to my niece. Who knows?

I have no real need for it in my life. It's not like I have been desperately needing that piece of cheap plastic from the nineties. I get along fine without it.  

And even though there are no distinct memories I have of that toy, I remember the toy in and of itself distinctly. I don't recall having it during any defining moments, when I got it, or anything else. I just know that I had it. I enjoyed it. It was a comforting item to have in my life.

I am graduating from college in two weeks, and I can't stop thinking about that stupid little happy meal toy. Why is this? 

I don't remember exactly how I got to where I am. Every decision I have made, every person I have become friends with, every last detail of my life has led to me in this moment. There are the toys that I don't really recall being anything spectacular, but I remember them. There are the people in my life that I feel like I couldn't live without. There are people that I thought I couldn't live without, only to have lost them in one way or another and survived. I don't know whether or not this is for the best. I have lost some very good, or what I thought were very good, friends over the past few years. 

Don't get me wrong, there are reasons for this.  Reasons ranging from simply not having enough time for one another to major events taking place, whether misunderstood or just never confronted. There are those people that actively made the decision not to be in life life anymore, and those that passively just faded away. Then there are those people that I decided to cut out of my life for my own reasons.
But I am here on the brink of this major defining life moment, and all I can think about is how maybe I could have picked up the phone one night when I was bored to hang out with someone I genuinely care about but have lost touch with. Or maybe I could have convinced another person that being friends with me is worth it. Or maybe I could have owned up to it and dealt with the situation effectively, rather than being passive aggressive and petty. Or maybe I could have not done whatever it was that made the other person decide to end our friendship.

It's too late for all of that, but that is what is dominating my mind these days when I should be thinking about decision-making theory, Nazi film and propaganda, how interest groups utilize the internet, and the Peace Corps. application. 

This is why I should not be given time to think.

On the other hand, I am now officially in a real sorority. Alpha Sigma Alpha, Theta Nu Chapter, Knox College. Founded May 22, 2010. 

We have little phoenix pins to prove it. 

We rock.

1. I will knit something other than a scarf. It will preferably have some sort of cabling in it. I want to learn more in regards to/improve upon my knitting.

2. I will work on German at least a little bit. I feel like this would be a good idea seeing as how I am going to be in ANOTHER German class that will inevitably beat me down.

3. I will keep in touch with people better over this break. I mean it this time. (This might not happen. I am horrible with keeping in touch.)

4. I will not let myself think too much about the things in my life that are beyond my control.

5. I will finish the preliminary application for the Peace Corps.

6. I will make a list of other possible options for my future and start working on them.

Let's see how much of this I can check off at the end of break.

Probably not many. Ugh.

So what to blog about? Should I blog about the popular gourd topic right now and the fact that whether or not you appreciate them tells me a great deal about your personality? Or the fact that we have deemed gourd-appreciation as a female thing, pending further research?

Or should I come up with something else to say entirely?

I'm not feeling particularly creative.

So I just blogged about how I could blog about something, but won't.

Maybe later, when I am supposed to be writing my final paper for one of my classes.

Or when I am supposed to be studying German and am feeling particularly spiteful because of it.

There is bound to be a time when I will be so sleep deprived that I will think of something ridiculous to share.

Or to be totally outrageous, I could not blog at all until the end of finals.

There is no telling how this could all go.