This is why I should NOT take philosophy classes...

In Death and Life we have discussed many different approaches to life and living a full life. Several of these models are trying to be the most prepared for death, whenever it may occur. Studying these different models has led to my analyzing the majority of the moments in my life, only to get so frustrated with each moment that I decide I hate philosophy all together, only to ask myself why I think that my be an excuse for not wanting to think about my actions, only to think about my actions and whether or not I am implementing them incorrectly and that is why my analysis leads to my "hating" philosophy, only to lead me to another strain of thought, and then another, and so on.

For example, earlier I was in an unpleasant situation. The situation was fine for those around me but quite uncomfortable to me due to historical implications. I removed myself from the situation because there was no way I could find any way to be more comfortable with the situation. After debating with myself for nearly twenty minutes on whether or not to stay or go, I left.

Now, in this situation I debated several possible courses of action, only to determine my leaving to be the best . I could have stayed. The only thing making the situation as difficult to bear was my train of thought. I could have tried to change what I was thinking about, but that seemed like something that takes way more strength than I have. I could have asked that the externalities be altered by those around me, causing them discomfort and my thoughts would still be there. Or, among many other possibilities, I could leave.

Class discussion has been centering around the fact that whatever situation we are in can be pleasant if we focus on the pleasant aspects of it, and unpleasant if we focus on the unpleasant aspects. I agree wholly with the Epicurean view that while a situation may be out of our control we can always control how we react to it. I have even told people this is my personal philosophy for quite some time now, long before I even know the word Epicurean.

My reaction to the situation was to remove myself from it. Not entirely, as my thoughts would still be occupied by the negative thoughts I was being consumed by, but I would at least be able to "enjoy" these negative thoughts in a more comfortable situation (out of the public eye and away from the scrutiny of people that I didn't particularly wish to discuss my weakness with).

Upon leaving, I pondered the sheer force of my own thoughts and how I was allowing them to control my environment. Then I thought about whether or not there could have been pleasantness found in that situation and I just didn't look hard enough, thus letting my life be controlled by a situation that I could have avoided altogether by simply taking a more positive approach to the predicament. Then I started to think about the fact that I was over-thinking my thinking about the situation and that I really just wanted to dwell on the unpleasantness of the situation because I wanted to see if there could be something pleasant about it, only to think about how much I hate it when I get into these kinds of trains of thought only to be consumed nearly entirely.

And then I thought about writing this blog, in a vain attempt to better understand and organize the thoughts that I am having. If you are having a better time of sorting through any of this, let me know. And if you have any advice or anything else for me to ponder, feel free to advise me.

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